how you, a subject, constitute yourself within a room
especially for the inauguration, anna jurczak (pl) wrote a text. it has been displayed in the space during the two days event.
Augurlike I try to read components of the institution in which I should be everyday, but am not. Many of the components are missing, others mutate and while everything is taking wing or settling down, it is difficult for me to augur the future. I refuse to see the gaps on the one hand and the rule outs on the other as signs. I wish to be able to predict a good future. [...]
Augurlike I try to read components of the institution in which I should be everyday, but am not. Many of the components are missing, others mutate and while everything is taking wing or settling down, it is difficult for me to augur the future. I refuse to see the gaps on the one hand and the rule outs on the other as signs. I wish to be able to predict a good future.
Basically I observe everywhere the same. At symposia, readings, in coffees, during sports activities, among friends. I perceive shades of intensities and their minor and major effects. And everytime I ask myself the same question: Is it really so intangible that you are and so inexplicable who you are, that you need definitions and a language to proclaim them, so you don`t topple down?
When I enter a room in which no other existence has constituted him or herself, I am able to see its architecture at the split of a second. Only at a split of a second, namely because only until I perceive myself in the room, drawing on my memories and experiences, until matching terms to objects. I constitute myself, I refer to myself.
When you enter an empty room, nothing exists at the first place. Not even the room. If your attention is driven to an element, to a thing, you recognize it and immediately you are able to match terms to it. I don`t know what drives your attention. Maybe it is your subjective wish to position yourself. Why? Neither I know that. But your cognition sorts you as a body into the room firstly. You are a body in a room. And secondly only cognition provides you with history. This history gives you a reference of your existence. In this moment you only have proved to yourself that you have existed. But not yet you are. While recognizing you are capable to conjecture that you still might be, because if it is not so: would you be being recognizing just now?
Certainly one proof as a construct is not sufficient to obtain steadfastness and stability. These are only bricks, that are in danger of falling over without any mortar. You are in danger of falling over. The mortar in your construction are the connections that you are securing between the recognized elements and their systems. Only if those are there indeed, your knowledge about your own existence will be enough resistant.
Until now you have only entered an empty room, you by yourself. All will become a little more complicated, when I also proceed to the room. If I try to put myself in a autistic state, in which you not necessarily have to be received as a subject, but as an object, belonging to the room, I will be able to see you, now an object, in relation to the other objects. I will get an overview about the systems ruling in our room. It you are not capable of objectify me, I will derive a benefit from your incapacity.
That's why you feel threatened by my proximity. Whatever is alien enough, enough unfamiliar you have no problem to differentiate from yourself and objectify. It doesn`t threaten the border between you and me, the outside. You stay stable, since you know where you end and I start. Your definition doesn`t have to be adjusted. You can push away easily anything that is me.
What are you afraid of when you need to redefine? Wherever there are stable constructions, there is already a distribution of power. Are you afraid of loosing your sphere of competence that assures your definition?
You know that it does not provide you new chances. However if you dare to redefine and take the risk to lose power, you will get these chances. But what if we do not distance oneself from the other enough? What, if you won`t know where you stop anymore or we combine or you disappear? You could deal with this danger staying alone and going without the chances. Even so, you don`t do so. It seems to be your need to indicate your existence not only by yourself but also by me. Are you searching for evidences? Are you searching for witnesses of your presence?
To come into contact with me from a safe distance you have to communicate. Not only you choose the different forms to do so, but also between verbal and non-verbal communication. Your methods of communications are shaped by geographical, cultural and historical imprints. And even when you refuse to communicate at all, it is a statement in our cultural sphere.
Also the room communicates with you. You correlate. The room can never originate from itself. It can not constitute itself subjectlike. In this point it is at a disadvantage compared to you. Yet still once it is created it has power and effects on you, so it seems. At the same time it is dependent on you as you are on it. Since non subject has constituted him or herself within no room. While you constitute yourself inside the room you also create the room inside of you. As memories, experiences and insights. You adjust the room to your future I. You modify this room until it matches the subject that you will build in your memory in the future.
Augurlike you try to read components of the systems in which you are every day. You refuse to see signs as solid constructions. You build unstably and alterably. You also wish to be able to predict a good future.